Rawr

This was published in Matchbox Magazine Issue V at UCSC. It was published as short fiction. A scan of the page can be found on my tumblr: Rawr.

The velociraptor says ‘rawr’ and dances to lady gaga. Her tail keeps hitting everyone but it is okay because they are all dancing too and singing along. The words they say aren’t really words but almost words that sound like nothing. All together, they are drunk. Drunk, the velociraptor sees a boy. On the couch gripping a cup the boy wears shoes and looks at his feet. The velociraptor sits next to the boy and wants to feel carnivorous. She says ‘rawr’. She tries to kiss him but instead she eats his head and upper torso. Inside her mouth she runs her tongue between his heart and lungs and tonsils and frontal lobe and thinks the word ‘delicious’. She thinks the word ‘nutritious’ but then feels exceptionally alone with no more boy left to eat. The boy’s lower torso says ‘splort’ and topples off the couch politely. On the ground, the lower torso says ‘splurt’ and bleeds on the carpet. Michelle and Yukiko see this. Their expressions are analog emoticons. ‘This girl, this girl is a wild girl’ they say and then they kiss each other and kiss other people and say ‘crazy girl’ and they all look very proud and happy. Then a plesiosaur comes through the front door and says ‘mrooo’ and wears sunglasses even though it is like, midnight. The plesiosaur high fives everyone with his flippers. The velociraptor hates him immediately. She walks outside now away from other people. Outside, sitting on the curb, she remembers sitting on this curb and not being alone. She looks at the moon and thinks about being twelve. She thinks about astronauts. She thinks about a lot of things. She says‘rawr’. A little while later she goes home, and doesn’t fall asleep until the sun is almost setting the next day.

Infinity is Boring Maybe

This was published in Matchbox Magazine Issue V at UCSC. It was published as poetry. Scan of the page on my tumblr: Infinity is Boring Maybe

i want to live forever in space without air or water
in space alone forever i want to die when i think about cheeseburgers
in safeway alone briefly i buy a sandwich and a thingy of creampuffs
in a house together with other people we eat garlic bread and talk about girls
i want to live briefly in a house with girls and creampuffs

John Keats

John Keats was reincarnated as a whale. He ate krill for every meal. He played and jumped in the air. He didn’t think about death. One day he jumped too high in the air and he landed on Jonathan Franzen. Jonathan Franzen was killed instantly. The people who saw this said, “Holy shit, that’s John Keats.” The whale said, “ooooooooooooohm.” The whale was brought to poetry readings around the country. At the poetry readings, the whale said, “ooooooooooooohm.” The readings made audiences feel their possessions were evil. They emailed each other about how they wanted to destroy their possessions. They got tired of talking about it and they burned everything. They burned Xbox 360s and they burned cartons of non-dairy creamer. But when everything was gone, the people were sad. They asked the whale, “What do we do without Xbox 360s? What do we do without non-dairy creamer?” The whale didn’t care what they were saying. All the whale could do was think about death and say, “ooooooooooooohm.”

Games

The room is completely empty except for us and everything else in it. At first we tried talking to each other, but there was only so much we could say. Since we were done talking we played checkers. It was something to do instead of being dead. Being alive, we played chess. I won at Mortal Kombat, but not Street Fighter. She won at tetherball, but not foursquare. I won at Starcraft, but not Settlers of Catan. We got tired of playing in nothing, so we built houses, and then cities. We made them out of cardboard and construction paper, and we walked around in nothing and said that it was something. We split our souls into many smaller souls. These souls had little feet and little hearts. They fit inside the cities, and when they looked around all they saw was construction paper and cardboard. They said, “this is something.” But when they left their homes, they saw the nothing. They built a sky to block out the nothing, and they held an annual prom, so they could do something every spring. At the prom, they are making eye contact. He looks at her eyes through her glasses. He wants to touch her, but there are so many things.

Real Talk

If you were born after 1983 and you are writing a poem about Jack Kerouac, if he isn't getting torn apart by great white sharks then your poem is probably stupid.

We Are In a Taco Bell

We were once not in a Taco Bell. But in a Taco Bell she says I don't know, what do you want to do. I say I want an enchirito. She says they don't have enchiritos anymore. I say are you sure and she says yes. I look at the tile floor and I think about Tetris. She is looking at a chair. When we leave we go to our own cars and drive to our own houses. When we sleep, we sleep in our own beds.

If I Had A Robot I'd Be Happy

No, you'd just be a sad kid with a robot.

Limbo

I meet Allison when I realize I never get hungry. I meet Sam a little bit after that. We all meet Lauren and Chris next to a pond. We try to drink the water but it never touches our lips. It doesn’t really matter because we are never thirsty.

While we walk, Sam and Lauren hold hands. Chris and I talk about high school and cheeseburgers. Allison sends me text messages. I read them later in a corner without light.

We make camp. We think it will get dark eventually but it never does. Everyone pretends to sleep. Allison and I draw shapes on each other’s back.

We walk through a city lit by LEDs. Eventually I vomit. Everyone laughs. I laugh while I vomit. The vomit is clear and it tastes like water.

Her face is bright and I want to kiss her but my little heart beats so fast.

Kanye West Is Alive And There Is Nothing You Can Do To Stop It

When someone says they hate X what they really mean is, “I am scared that I live in a universe apathetic to the anxiety it creates in the minds of sentient creatures via the deployment of chemicals in response to certain stimuli, such as the thought, ‘the universe is apathetic to my anxiety,' or the experience of watching a Kanye West music video, like that forty minute one that came out a few weeks ago, and has this one lyric, that goes: ‘she finds pictures in my email / I sent this bitch a picture of my dick / I don’t know what it is with females / but I’m not too good at that shit,’ and then I become terrified because I unwillingly identify with it on a personal level in a way that disgusts me.”

Haiku About Young People and the Internet

Anatomy of Bullshit

sweet aviators

American Apparel

organs that breathe out

Sex

we are both naked

my tongue is inside my mouth

we watch anime

Facebook Privacy Settings

klavika type face

she is drunk and so are they

Send a Friend Request

Hikikomori

my face and my room

are blue on the carpeting

i am on my back

Saturday

i have no friends

i read Helvetica font

sometimes i type 'lol'

Hikikomori 2

dolphins suffocate

on a beach made out of gold

laptop computers

I Am Unhappy And I Hate Myself

jeans and skirts and thighs

they ask why i am leaving

they touch each other

Boardwalk

arcade cabinet

she and i are both standing

upright like bipeds


I Borrowed Her Lighter When We Went To The Beach


"there are more stars than
grains of sand between our toes
and inside our socks"

.Gif of A Species

picture of a cat

the cat is in a spaceship

the spaceship blasts off

It Is Raining

the window is wet

the sky is everywhere

outside of the house

Friendship In A Universe That Actively Seeks Out And Annihilates Hope

I heard on the news they are going to nuke San Diego next.  I don’t know where we are going to eat quesadillas now. I’m coming up this weekend. My girlfriend is dead so I’m bringing her copy of Mario Kart. I lost my lighter but I think we can still smoke a little, because most everything is on fire anyways. If you don’t have your TV anymore that’s fine, we can throw shit off of buildings instead. I'll say things like, "I think we are going to die," and "we are going to die." You'll say "we are already dead," or "we should throw the printer over next." Then we'll throw the printer off the building while we disintegrate gradually and high five.

JWG circa 2009: Dolphin Depression

This was published in Chinquapin xxxi (31), a lit magazine by the students of the University of California, Santa Cruz.


Dolphin Depression


Fade in on a Male Dolphin smoking weed in the woods.
He goes to Dolphin physics class. Tap the X button to stay awake during lecture. The Male Dolphin meets a Lady Dolphin with hair done up like anemones. When they go to his aquatic dorm room they listen to Polvo’s “Lazy Comet” and talk about Sonic the Hedgehog Youth. He gets nervous and says something about David Foster Wallace before she grabs his prehensile Dolphin penis, and they have protected Dolphin sex. Input Up-Down-Up-Down-Left-Right-Select-Start to turn on infinite Orgasm mode. The Male Dolphin dreams about being a Dolphin writer but his blowhole is rimmed with fear. Sometimes he strums his guitar and writes a song for Lady Dolphin that he never plays for her. Sleep in till four. Tap the A button till six to fail your classes. The Male Dolphin screams in places where people can’t hear him. His screams sound like squeaks. Squeaking, he thinks about selling his ass on Dolphin craigslist to pay for Dolphin tuition. He thinks about joining the Dolphin Air Force. He thinks about the ocean. He thinks about very watery things. He thinks about lemon-lime beverages. Tap the B button to become a drain on society.  Input Quarter Circle Punch to get a job. The Male Dolphin works eight hours a day at a Dolphin American Apparel wearing scuba gear ironically. He has a tiny diamond of cocaine lodged in his blowhole when a customer asks him where the neon blue pantyhose are. When Lady Dolphin says “I don’t love you anymore” tap the Z button to not McFucking Kill Yourself. At work the next day the Male Dolphin passes out on the floor. Tap the Start button to wake up. Wake up to the green murk of the Pacific. Wish that reality was like the game “Ecco the Dolphin”, that aliens would come and suck up all life on this planet. Tap the O button to suffocate on the discarded plastic rings of a Coca-Cola six-pack. Cry Dolphin tears once you realize there is nothing after Game Over.