John Keats

John Keats was reincarnated as a whale. He ate krill for every meal. He played and jumped in the air. He didn’t think about death. One day he jumped too high in the air and he landed on Jonathan Franzen. Jonathan Franzen was killed instantly. The people who saw this said, “Holy shit, that’s John Keats.” The whale said, “ooooooooooooohm.” The whale was brought to poetry readings around the country. At the poetry readings, the whale said, “ooooooooooooohm.” The readings made audiences feel their possessions were evil. They emailed each other about how they wanted to destroy their possessions. They got tired of talking about it and they burned everything. They burned Xbox 360s and they burned cartons of non-dairy creamer. But when everything was gone, the people were sad. They asked the whale, “What do we do without Xbox 360s? What do we do without non-dairy creamer?” The whale didn’t care what they were saying. All the whale could do was think about death and say, “ooooooooooooohm.”